Sunday 27 March 2016

Don't Mix Your Drinks


In every supermarket there's a most delicious drink,
In every corner shop and any pub of which you think.
It's cheap and it's refreshing, so it's such a dreadful shame
That they sell it as pear cider, which is not its proper name.

For cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.
I don't know when they changed it, but it caught me unawares.
I want to start a protest, but it seems nobody cares
That cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.
Yes apples give you cider, and pears will give you perry.
You can look the meanings up in any dictionary.
Just Google it, you'll find that Wikipedia declares
That cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.

When I went just along the road I found to my delight
That one brave manufacturer had named the product right,
In big three-litre pouches, it was really quite a shock.
I went and got one every day, and drank them out of stock.

Oh, pears will give you perry, and apples give you cider.
The diff-er-ence between the two could not be any wider.
I asked some local farmers and I sent them questionnaires,
They said "Cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears".
Yes perry comes from pears now, and cider comes from apples,
An obvious distinction with which every brewer grapples.
The people who rebranded it may all be millionaires,
But cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.

So if you're feeling angry you should write to your MP,
He'll think that you're a fruitcake, but he won't dare disagree.
Remember as you sip your pint of perry at the bar,
It wasn't Cider Como singing "Catch a Falling Star".

Oh, perry isn't cider, and cider isn't perry,
Bitter isn't lager, and brandy isn't sherry,
Whisky isn't vodka, and my own dear mother swears
That cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.
Cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears,
Cider comes from apples and perry comes from pears.
Go and change the label if anybody dares,
For cider comes from apples...
...and perry comes from pears!

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